Thank you lovely ladies.....

I am grateful for all of the womyn in my life. I truly appreciate all that they have offered me; whether small or large, it all has made impressions on me and the world as I see it. I have realized in recent months that as you age and change, so do those relationships dearest to your heart. Some grow stronger, some take new shapes and forms and some slowly disintegrate to memories of the past. Change isn't always easy; especially when it affects matters of the heart. I have opened my heart to these changes and some have been very difficult to deal with and accept while others have offered a breath of fresh air. In this last year I have had some of the most beautiful womyn on this planet enter or re-enter my life and I feel very privileged. These womyn have taught me a lot about life and love as well as about differences and commonalities, forcing me to focus on being a better person every minute of every day.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to gather four of these womyn at my house for a couple of hours to enjoy good food and conversation free of stress and competition. There was something about yesterday that was able to restore a part of my spirit and my trust in other people; other womyn.
It was an interesting mix: the five of us womyn with our five children; a few whom never have met; a set of sisters, a set of cousins, two stay-home moms, three working moms, some tall womyn, some short womyn...basically it a house full of talking womyn.

From the moment of arrivals there were immediate bonds and it felt as though this was just one of many moments together. Maybe it will be the first of many... I don't know. I do know though that yesterday I opened my heart and home to four womyn who in just four short hours felt like family. And that is a wonderful feeling to have!

~Thank you my lovely ladies~

Happy Mother's Day

To all of the amazing mothers out there who are busting their asses for their families 24-7 I say a HUGE thank you! And I hope you all had a wonderful mother's day. I really do.
I hope you were able to sleep in.
I hope you were able to get breakfast in bed.
I hope you were able to do what YOU wanted for your entire day.
I hope your day wasn't full of kids whining, crying and fighting.
I hope the day encouraged you be a little reflective on the type of mother you want and strive to be.
I hope it filled you with an overwhelming sense of appreciation.
I hope all of this, or even some of this happened for you because you deserve it.

But, I am guessing it probably did not. I am guessing that it was just another ordinary day like every other day that left you falling into your bed at the end of it with pure exhaustion. Or maybe that was just me. Maybe I am the only mother out there who is a little bitter that I didn't have a good mother's day, or that I didn't get the one and only thing I asked for...TO SLEEP IN! I have sickness all around me and now I am sick again as well and I can't seem to get a break.

....it is now over a week later after my serious head cold has mostly passed and I am done sulking about what a shitty day my mother's day turned out to be. I will spare the details, but let's just say that many tears were shed...many. I wasn't going to post all of this until I realized that all of the mothers around me had really horrible days as well. As I had numerous (quite helarious) conversations over this last week with other womyn I realized that we all had wanted basic displays of appreciation and for whatever reason the day was just like any other day and we all went to sleep with some levels of disappointment.

For me, as I went to bed with disappointment and a little bitterness, I sat in bed reflecting on what it means to be a mother and I came to the hard realization that this is part of the job. You do what you do not for numerous accolades from those around you but because you want these human beings that you brought into this world to have the best life possible- to be happy, healthy, loved. And you do whatever you need to do to make that possible. Being a mother is the most self-less job there is; even on mother's day, the one day that you should be able to be a little selfish.
The following day I wrote my mother a letter thanking her for the endless amount of love and care that she has given through the years. As a mother I now realize and appreciate all that she has provided and sacrificed. Even though I don't even know the half of it, I do know as a mother what that means and I am appreciative.

From one mother to a world of mothers out there...thank you for all you do for us as womyn, daughters and other mothers. Thank you for the sacrifices that you have made for the next generation and for our mother earth.

She's Five

Yesterday my little gurl turned five. There is something about the age five. The realization that you have a kid now, not a baby, or a toddler, but a kid. I watched her every move yesterday and I hung on every word, soaking her in like the sun. I wanted to remember this day for the rest of my life just like I remember the day that she was born. I am guessing she will remember it because she wasn't feeling well and spent most of the day on the couch resting. Presents were even uneventful, which was so heartbreaking to watch. My little gurl has a difficult time dealing with her allergies to mold and dust as well as some intense sinus issues for a little kid. The issues seem to have gotten worse this year and we have been trying as many natural remedies as possible to help her, but she still struggles when mold is high, which it was on her birthday. It breaks my heart to see her deal with all of this as such a young age. No one every wants to see their child sick. I watch how she struggles with these issues and wonder how it will affect her as she gets older.

It also makes me angry that to take care of her the way that we feel best, which is naturally, that we have to pay for it all out of our pockets because insurance refuses to cover it. The only "natural" practice that it does cover is our chiropractic and they are trying to find a way where they don't have to cover that either. Don't even get me started on the fact that we pay over $200 a month in copays for pretty much nothing! So...I will do what I can with the herbs and tinctures that we use and continue chiropractic and start her on cranio-sacral therapy sessions in hopes that I don't have to put her on some poison that will help her allergies, but damage her kidneys and liver in the process.

The highlight of the day was when I presented her with her very own birthday crown. Her face lit up and it was the only part of the day when I saw a real smile on her face. We finished her special day by reading her new books, The Paperbag Princess, The Whole Green World and Ladybug Girl and with her dessert request: popsicles.

As I ended my day writing in her journal I also looked at her birth pictures to remind myself of this beautiful journey that this little one and I have begun.