Just another typical day

• It is 3:00 p.m. and the boy and I pick up the gurl from school; she is whining.


• I load the kids up in the car and we proceed to the closest department store to pick up a birthday gift; it is dad's birthday.


• We get to the store and I realize I do not have the stroller for the boy and this store does not have any type of cart or stroller for little ones. I try to assure myself that it is not a big deal.


• We make our way through the parking lot, not without the gurl attempting to jump in a muddy, slushy puddle. I manage to grab her arm and deter her just in time, almost falling in it in the process. I feel the emotions starting to rise.


• We enter the store and I see the signs everywhere: This location is closing: HUGE SALES. Almost all of the inventory is already gone; no jewelry counter, no watches, no gift.


• I take a deep breath, turn around and leave the store trying to carry the squirmy boy, my purse and hold the hand of my distracted four year old gurl.


• Gurl attempts the puddle again, this time more successful. Now she is wet, I am wet and I am trying to stay calm, this is not easy because the gurl is now screaming because she is cold and wet; it is 36 degrees. Patience is fleeting quickly.


• The kids are finally settled in the car and we are on our way home and the gurl starts crying and yelling hysterically about something very tragic. I can't understand what is upsetting her. I pull over into a parking lot. She is sobbing. Five minutes go by. I finally can understand her. Her juice cup is empty.


• I calm her down by agreeing to stop at a coffee house to buy a bottle of juice. I am at a point where the patience is almost gone. I despise buying juice at these types of places. It is not juice they sell, it is apple concentrate loaded with sugar syrup. I buy the damn "juice." I am trying to keep peace. I fill both cups with "juice." I resist the urge to buy myself a coffee. I want coffee, but I know it will push me over the edge. I don't want to go over the edge today. I want a peaceful birthday for their dad.


• We finally start our commute home to Detroit in this miserable weather surrounded by shitty drivers and bad scenery. The kids start to squawk at each other. I am not sure why, I don't care. I tune them out and turn the radio up. I begin to sing and dance to some booty shakin' song on the radio. They instantly stop and join in.


• We are close to home. I am counting down the minutes until we will be out of the car; a little under 12 minutes. The gurl erupts again. Floods of tears. She manages to choke out this sentence, "YOU made me miss the national elephant!" She sobs even more. The elephant: a massive statue painted like the American flag in front of some car dealership on Telegraph. Something she enjoys pointing out everyday on the way home from school, always insisting that she be the one to point it out, not me.


• We continue on for 12 minutes of sobbing and screaming. Now the boy is screaming. He is not hurt. He is not upset. He finds it amusing. Now she is screaming louder. She is mad that he is screaming. I WANT TO SCREAM. I pull in the driveway. We are finally home.


• I take the gurl in the house and I hold her. I try to get her calmed down but all she wants to do is play with her ponies. Fine with me. I bring the boy in the house and set him up to play in the kitchen.


• I start to open the cook books wanting to make a nice meal for dad's birthday. I am overwhelmed by screaming. The boy has entered the front room and the gurl wants him out, now! He is "disturbing the ponies!" I want to scream, "You are disturbing me!" I take deep breaths instead.


• I move the boy back to the kitchen. I begin browsing the cookbooks again. I see the gurl approach. I watch as she takes the magnets away from the boy and begins to play with them. The screaming starts again, it is the boy. This time he does not find it amusing, he is mad.


• I give the gurl a time-out. She screams even more. I take the boy to the basement. Maybe if there are on different floors in the house there will be peace.


• Within ten minutes the gurl follows us down and promises that she will not bother the boy.


• Five minutes later they are both screaming again as the phone rings. It is their dad. I pick up the phone and all I can do is laugh. I can't hear a damn word, so I tell him I will call him back in ten.


• The gurl finally has decided that she wants time by herself so she packs up her ponies in her backpack and moves up to her bedroom. The boy begins to play with blocks on the floor.


• I climb into the basement cedar closet and call their dad back. He offers to pick up pizza. I accept the offer and sit in the closet for a few minutes to gain composure. I want to cry. The tears won't fall. I wonder how long I could stay in here before they would really NEED me.


• I get on the computer and try to facebook with a friend. I decide that 4:30 p.m. is not too early to open a bottle of wine. So I grab a bottle of Merlot and pour a glass. I grab a square of chocolate too, I deserve one today. Can't do anything on the computer; the boy won't leave it alone.


• We move upstairs and I put on some music, make a salad and wait for the pizza. I enjoy the quiet. I sit with my wine, my music and wait for the noise to start again. It doesn't to my surprise.


• The pizza arrives. We eat in peace. We read books to the kids. The kids go to bed. It is finally quiet.


• And it is the end of just another typical day in the life of a mom.