Throughout the end of August and September I was up numerous nights until the wee hours of morning canning tomatoes. During these nights I quickly realized how peaceful of a process it was for me. I would open the windows for the brisk fall air and in the complete silence of the night I would clean the tomatoes, cook the tomatoes and then can the tomatoes. During this long process I did many things: I drank chai, I read, I wrote, I made lists of names for this blog and I just sat in silence. It was during these late nights that I came to a place of serenity, which in all honestly is something I have a very hard time doing.
Tonight I am exhausted as usual, but still, there is a longing to have those nights back. The kids are in bed, Gregory is at an event and won't be home for a few more hours and I am trying to find that place, that state of tranquility. I am beginning to realize that for me, the real place of serenity has to do with a connection to mother earth. Because even though I am sitting here in complete silence there is still an cloud of anxiety hovering over me, reminding me of all that I blew off today to spend time with my children and close friends. And my moment of serenity for the day is not right now, but it was in the middle of the afternoon digging in the dirt to harvest the rest of my potatoes before our first fall frost.
I had gone out to get a few for my lunch and realized that it had been nearly three weeks since my hands had been in the dirt (a record I think) and decided that I didn't care if I was in my best crocks and a beautiful skirt because at that moment all that mattered was making that connection-with the earth, with my self, with the food that provides nourishment for my family. These last few weeks I have been so consumed with politics and the state of our country that I have neglected my garden and I have neglected my need for repose, something that I desperately need on a daily basis. Something that everyone, but particularly every mother needs on a daily basis. I wonder now as the weather is getting colder and my little plot of earth will be put to sleep very soon, what will I find during this cold winter that will put my mind and soul at ease?