Monday, February 1, 2010

So maybe I've gone soft...

I've gone soft. There, I have said it. Something that over the last few months has slowly been eating away at me. Something that is not expected from a feminist-right? We are hard, and tough; solid as rocks. But not this feminist; it is true, I have completely turned to mush. I have avoided feminist literature, I have dodged challenging conversations and I have pushed anything academic to the far, far corners of my brain in hopes that it may be there one day if I need it.

So does this upset me? No, it doesn't; or I guess I should say it hasn't bothered me until recently. You see I am a feminist and I do believe that this system of capitalist patriarchy that our country thrives on is a load of bullshit and yes, I am sick of it subjecting us women and I do believe that there is still enormous amounts of work that need to be done and that I need to be doing it....but I am tired.

There, I said it! I AM TIRED! I have been tired for 5 years now and this patriarchy load of crap has been the last thing I have wanted to think about when my eyelids feel like lead weights! That is life, right?
That is motherhood, right?
So should I just suck it up?
Who knows! What I do know is that I have taken a five year hiatus from pursuing academia or a career so that I could be a stay home mother. And on most days I am cool with that. But on some days I struggle.

Yeah, I know that I am in a privileged position to be staying home right now with my kids, but not as privileged as most would think (topic for another day- the choices and sacrifices we made, not forced into, but made). And as every stay-home mother knows, it is not always easy and can be a dark place at times. But is has provided me the opportunity to be the primary educator of my children as well as allowed me to explore areas of interest that I would have never been able to pursue as a working mother (gardening, cooking, sewing, reading...). Things that have mentally challenged me, but also have provided a creative outlet. So yeah, I am a feminist who LOVES to cook and sew and garden and eat and read and sleep! And... I am cool with that. But, I am also ready to move on. Yes, that is right, I am ready to get back into the rink and kick some sexist, racist, capitalist patriarchal butt! I am ready to use the knowledge I have gained over these last five years as a feminist mommy and start challenging the social norms we have about motherhood and parenting.

So you can expect more to come on alla this feminist motherhood and parenting stuff, as well as continued posts that show my softer side.

No comments: